Episode 8: Victory Over Abuse
Getting part payment of the 8million naira debt from my husband gave me a little peace and cushioned the effect of stress on me. The bigger battle began on my pregnancy, though I had agree to keep it without my husbands consent, but sometimes I find it irritating keeping a semi-bastard, how do I keep a child who’s father has refused paternity and responsibility? It is easier for people to say where there is life there is hope, but the reality of it is being a lone parent with a story of falsehood on me not knowing the father of my child, thoughts of people’s judgment kept weighing me down.
After 6weeks, my husband paid the balance and I was able to offset my pending loans, gradually life was becoming stable for me, all thanks to Paulette for standing firm for me. At the end of the 6months break period as advised by our counselor, we where reinvited by her, then I was about 8months pregnant. He was so calm during the meeting, our counselor exhausted so much words trying to lift up our interest again, to my surprise Max knelt down crying and begging to have me back into his life, he vowed never to hit me again or act violent towards me. We hugged and kissed passionately shedding tears well accompanied by mutual apologies.
After our reconciliation, I appealed to him to allow me stay with my parents till after delivery while I do my home work in convincing my parents to grant my return back to our matrimonial home (we both agreed and parted ways). During the last days of my pregnancy he stood firmly, sending gifts and always checking up. Few times he summons courage to visit with gifts and other items, though my parents didn’t give him the welcoming hands as usual.
About 5weeks later I delivered a bouncing baby boy, I was happy that his father has come to wipe my shame of having a semi bastard, his family came over to resolve the differences and I moved back to my matrimonial home after 4months of child birth. That fateful evening my ex who gave my husband his last job called and wanted to know my husband’s whereabout and how I went with resolving the issue. I wasn’t interested in the conversation to avoid bringing old memories. To my greatest surprise my husband dragged the phone from me and started questioning me on why I still have to keep communication with my ex, it was surprising as I didn’t have an answer because he knew I had nothing with Jade (my ex). I have never cheated on him but he has done that countless times on me.
Why are you so insecured Max? (I asked), I got a hilarious answer which was a confusing slap on my face, I saw stars, yea I saw real stars! He dragged my baby off my hands and placed him on the chair, I tried dragging myself away from his hands, he increased his punch on my face and my stomach. I kept vomiting blood and my face was broken, I begged him with my last breath, yet he dragged me on floor into the bath room, where he dipped my head into our bathtub filled with water, I was slowly loosing breath, I thought of my innocent baby, my aged parents and couple of persons dependent on me, I struggled till I hit his testicles with my last strength, he fell and I smacked him again with a bucket and took to my heels.
This is Gloria’s 10th year as a single mother, living with chronic eye pains because of her last abuse… A parasite will never evacuate its host because the life of a parasite (abusive partner) is dependent on the host (you), they will never stop draining, exploiting, over using, oppressing and nourishing themselves till they finally eliminate you.
– Don’t be deceived that an abusive partner will get better someday. You might not live to tell your better day story.
– Abuse goes beyond mere hitting and physical abuse, hurtful words are unsuitable to keep a healthy relationship.
– Never wait for a second strike, warning signals are running signals, he/she who was bitten today and runs for his/her life will surely live to date or marry again.
– Parasite are internal (lovers/families) or external (friends/neighbours/colleagues), don’t be deceived by how close they are to you, once you find them toxic please avoid or move on.