OH THIS MY HUSBAND
Away from my packed bags, I picked up my purse and there was a note from my monster husband which reads;
I don’t want to ever set my eyes on you. I am changing church so don’t bother to invite the Pastor . I have changed the locks at the house so don’t bother to come home. If I see you anywhere close to me, I’m calling the police.
Just as I was finished with the reading of his useless note, I started crying, where the waters were coming from, I don’t know.
Why am I crying? I don’t know.
I don’t have a clue. Tears were just falling as if I have a broken pipe in my head.
One short nurse came in at this time and saw me crying, she should have just left me at my silent pity party, but I believe she felt she had psychiatric prowess and some powerful words of consolation. But she never knew she was dealing with a broken tap awaiting explosion.
As soon as she started talking gentle nonsense, I burst into wailing. The more she spoke, the more I cried, the more confused I was. I was feeling sorry for the nurse. Whatever self-confidence she had in distress consolation must have been shattered because she got confused and left me alone. As soon as she left, I was back to my silent pity party.
I don’t know how many hours I spent staring into space. The short nurse must have told all the other nurses to stay clear, I can see them casting funny glances at my room from the glass partition on the door. But none dared to venture into the wailing fortress.
I picked up my purse and saw Pastor’s note. It reads;
Sister Joy, it will get tougher for a while but your God is not a quitter, JESUS didn’t give up on the way to the cross, don’t give up, but look up and pray.
Hmmmm. I sighed. I picked up my phone and dialed Pastor’s number. I wanted him to pay me a visit in the hospital.
As soon as Pastor picked the phone, I shouted Pastor!!!, my own has finished, I am broken and discarded, I am in the hospital down the church street…
I cut the call and rearranged myself on the bed, I needed to look very pitiful so that Pastor and his wife can take me to their house.
I had planned what I will say when they arrive, you know how easy it is to write word of advices from afar. Come and see me and know that quitting is smart in this situation. I am not Jesus, I’m ex Mrs. Momoh, I am now officially an ex-wife, I can see myself becoming like my aunty. Bitter, nasty, homeless woman. And Childless, ahhh childlessness oooo. Another round of crying
In less than five minutes Pastor and his wife entered my room, Pastor stood at the door, staring at my packed luggage, while the wife came to hug me on the bed.
The show of warmth and love just blocked my vocal chords from saying all my rehearsed speeches. Rather I burst into another round of wailing…..
Pastor being uncomfortable with my cries went to see the doctor while mummy started praying for me.
Same disappointing prayers. Honestly the prayers dried my tears.
Father, give your daughter strength, give her wisdom to win her home back, help her to take her place back.
Jesus, she will live long with her husband.
Things are getting out of hands, I need to make them understand, I am not going to that monster again, no one should preach submission to me at this time. I am officially homeless..
Drastic situation they say requires drastic measures. It’s time I take my own destiny into my hands. So I decided it’s time to do the shift let me faint.
I stood up, pointed to my bags, told mummy that my husband packed it out himself, the plan was to move away from the table and bed so that I can act out my fainting in peace without hitting my head on any item.
Just as I got to the bags to faint on my bags, so that Pastor’s wife can see that “my own don finish”.
The door burst open and there was my Pastor coming in with the doc…. oh no, I must be hallucinating again, now my nightmare had crossed over from dreams to real life, I pinched myself through my clothes, ahhh I’m sure my village people are now using mtn network, everywhere you go.
Right before me in my personal room in the hospital was my number one enemy, my arch enemy of the past 24 hours. The troubler of my marriage and home, the devil in human skin, the one that made me drink drainage water and spend the night in the hospital bed.
The one that engineered my loads being packed out of my husband’s house.
This same human pest, the one and only skinny thing of a girl.
She was wearing doctors’ uniform.
I would have pounced on her if not for the fact that something seems odd, she was wearing a doctor’s uniform, she was having that funny smile on her face again.
I remember watching an American movie where the arch enemy of the actor came to the ward wearing doctors’ uniform and she tried to inject the actor with a lethal injection so that he would die.
Ahhh so this is their plan, she is not only planning to take my husband, she wants to take my life also, so that there will be no need for divorce, all the shakara I have planned for divorce won’t be necessary again.
It won’t work, smart babe like me, you can’t come and inject me simply because I have had bad luck in the last twenty four hours. Never.
I shouted: Pastor, don’t let this lady come any close to me, she is the one that got pregnant for my husband, she is the one that wants to snatch my husband, she put me into the drainage and also made me spend the night in the hospital!!!
Pastor was standing transfixed at a point just staring at me as if I was the ghost of John the Baptist, since he was not bulging, I turned to his wife and told her;
please mummy you are a woman like me, you will understand how I feel. she is the reason for all the stress I have been through in the home and in my marriage, this is the bastard that is pregnant for my husband, this is the devil you have been teaching us about in the women fellowship!!!
She didn’t even turn back to talk to my skinny marriage destroyer, all she was saying was, sister Joy! calm down, don’t work yourself up, you know you are tired.
Ahhhh mummy, how can I calm down, she looks innocent but she is the architect of all my woes and troubles in recent times, mummy please look at my load, see me in the hospital, they have sent my enemy to mock me and tell the stories….
Mummy came forward to hold me and try to lead me back to the bed, this time around I won’t let the b—h escape, there is no drainage in the hospital, I am not feeling faint so this time around I know I can get her, I dashed forward to grab her, but I forgot the bags were on the floor, I fell on the bags and by the time I stood up, she had been ushered by the Pastor out of the room.
Well since she was out, I can now calm down and talk. Pastor’s wife led me to the bed while Pastor came back into the room.
Sister Joy, take things easy, you know how your health is and all you have been through, don’t complicate things. Pastor said.
I replied, sir this is not a complicated issue, it’s very simple, I am fed up of my marriage, how can my husband’s concubine come to see me in the hospital.
The look on their faces was that of surprise. The both asked in chorus, who is this concubine?
It’s that lady sir/ma. That skinny stingy indomie-like of a pest, that good for nothing useless…..
Ok, ok sister Joy, Pastor said with a knowing smile on his face, he and the wife exchange a look that says, they are trying their best not to smile.
They didn’t get me, so I decided to expatiate further, the way these guys are looking at me, e get as e be, they seem to be looking at me as one kind of lunatic or that the injury in my head must have made me lose my mind. But I am not crazy now, I know what I am saying.
Maybe because I was speaking too fast before, let me speak slowly this time around,
Pastor and mummy, you see when I left your place and got home, I met that skinny thing, that she-devil that……
Okay! Pastor stressed again,
Please sir let me explain, you don’t understand me sir….
Sister Joy, please let Pastor explain something to you please, the wife interjected.
Ok ooo, I am all ears ooo, I replied.
Pastor continued, that is sister Hamet.
In my mind I thought, Hamet, what a name!! names that church-going home wreckers bear……
It was sister Hamet that settled your hospital bill and ensured you got the best treatment from this hospital because it belongs to her father. Pastor said.
Ohh I replied, is she Hamet Johnson?
Pastor said, Yes she is.
Ahhhh, Mogbe (I am in trouble!)
OH THIS MY HUSBAND
Hamet Johnson, I have never met her before but I have heard all about her. She is the daughter of the owner of our house. Only daughter.
When we packed into the side wing of the twin duplex, we were told that the house was previously occupied by her and the husband. We were told that she travelled abroad and that because it’s her house, we are to pay all monies to her, in fact we moved in the week after she moved out.
There is a room in the house that still belongs to her where her loads were kept, that’s why we got the house a bit cheaper than the market value.
We are currently owing her about two years rent because we have a three year long financial challenge that resulted in rent debt, we are yet to catch up on the bills.
I had called severally to beg her, and she had always sounded like an angel. I have even given testimony in church to thank God for her life. I have been hoping to meet with her one day.
Now I have met her in a very disgraceful situation. I have spoilt all the goodwill of many years because of my promiscuous husband.
Pastor’s voice brought me back from my thoughts; Yes, sister Joy, she is Sister Hamet Johnson, she just came back from United Kingdom two nights ago. She has been living in United Kingdom for seven years after her husband of six months bathed her with Acid.
She has done multiple surgeries to correct the face after the acid attack from a very abusive six months marriage right under the nose of her father. The acid attack was a very big news then; you must have read about it sister Joy.
I was looking at both of them like a secondary school student caught life with textbook in an examination hall. Ahhhh my village people have completed a three-unit course in my life. They must be rejoicing in their coven now.
Pastor Mrs. Interjected; don’t worry sister Joy, she is a very understanding lady, she can see you have been through stress.
At this time my tears have started again, I didn’t know I have a whole thousand litres of water hidden behind my eyes. I was really feeling ashamed.
Pastor was staring at my bags again and he made a very intriguing discovery, Sister Joy, seems your case and my case look alike, when I got to the point where I was fed up with my marriage and things were about to start changing, I was also in the hospital and my possessions were also dropped with me at the hospital, same case is happening here too. If you decide to work on your marriage, things can change for the better.
Hmmm, now I don’t know what to say again ohhh. With the great error of calling my landlady my husband’s concubine, how do I convince everyone that I am not the problem of my marriage but my callous husband is.
Pastor, my loads are out already, I cried.
I fetched my purse and gave Pastor the note written by my monster husband, he read it, sighed and told me he was coming back shortly.
I used his absence to talk to my Pastor’s wife, mummy I cried.
Please understand me, please mummy, I can’t go back to that house, I can’t go back ma. Mummy will you want your own child to go back to an abusive relationship?
My husband has made up his mind and he will make life difficult for me,
With all my plea, I can see I was not being heard, how I wished I was far from the bed to faint again
Just then the door opened and Pastor came in with My Angelic Landlady, with her wonderful smile, she really looked elegant in the red gown with flowers in the front (How fast can a person change from an arch enemy and a devil to a saint. Some few minutes ago she was my enemy, as of now she is the second in command to angel Gabriel)
I went from the bed to the floor, I knelt down to greet her in a second, Ahhh ma, aunty Hamet, my mummy, please ma, I apologies for the sorry, no I mean I am sorry for the apologies that I, oh no, I mean I am sorry I fell into the gutter for you or no sorry erm, am sorry…..
She came forward and told me to take it easy, “my sister (oh that voice is like soothing waters), take it easy, I understand, please rise up and rest, you had mild concussion and you need to rest please”. She lifted me up back to be bed.
I was crying like “egbere”, a dwarf pitiful demon…. The embarrassment was not of this world.
After she succeeded in making me sit on my bed, I noticed a young man standing by the door.
Pastor followed my gaze to the man at the door who seems to be smiling at my display. Pastor nudged sister Hamet to introduce the man to us.
Sister Hamet, beaming with smiles went to the arms of the man by the door and introduced him to us, please meet my husband.
I smiled, ehyaa, she finally met another man to marry her after the first wicked man that poured her acid, at least Pastor can allow me to marry another man if this sister too can be happy again.
In my eagerness to please her, I congratulated her, Haaaa my sister congratulations, thank God you found a good man after that beast of a husband poured acid on you, ehyaa I am happy for you ooo….
Pastor Mrs was staring at me like I just spoke in Greek, Pastor was trying to shut me up by staring at me and blinking his eyes.
I had spoilt my image before so I was bent on redeeming it, since I know about the accident that made her traveled out, I will use that to win her trust. Even if Pastors’ eyes were to fall off his socket, I won’t shut up, I am bent on the fact that I must remedy my mistake.
Come to think of it, the sister concerned was smiling and the gentle man was smiling beautifully. If only my husband will smile to me like that, we won’t be in this mess.
I wanted to speak again but sister Hamet signaled I stop and she explained; My Sister, this is my husband, the same man I married before I left Nigeria, my one and only.
Before I could control my mouth I asked in disbelief, the one that poured acid on your face?
She nodded in the affirmative.
Ahhh my mouth will not kill me.
OH THIS MY HUSBAND