OH THIS MY HUSBAND
BANDAGE LIKE LAZARUS
I just ignored her call.
Before it was too late I decided to do what Pastor asked me to do. So, I went on my kneels to pray the prayers.
For forty-five minutes I was busy firing serious prayers. As I finished the prayers, I picked up my phone to discover that I missed fifteen calls from the head usher. Abeg, what does this lady want from me?
I had also missed seven calls from my husband. This is amidst various other phone calls from numbers I do not know.
See how trouble converted me to a celebrity overnight, why does everyone want to speak to me?
Is there something else I’m missing?
While I was still thinking, my husband called me again, this time, I picked up his call.
Hello ma: someone said when I picked up the call.
This is very funny; my husband does not use ma for me. The voice I am hearing is not the voice of my husband, this is a strange voice so I answered,
Yes hello, who am I speaking with?
Are you Mrs. Joy Momoh? The person asked.
Yes, I am, who I’m I speaking with? I replied.
This is inspector James; we have a man here in our station together with another man and a lady brought in for street fighting. One is Mr. Momoh and he gave us your number to call you. We will please need to see you at the police station because of his case.
I did not say anything. I just cut the call, dropped the phone and went to the kitchen to prepare food. At this juncture, I was hungry and want to eat.
Every feeling inside of me had died and I was very hungry. After my meal, I laid down to sleep and immediately I dozed off….
By the time I woke up, my battery was flat and phone off. Electricity had been cut off. I could not charge the phone.
I can’t remember the police station where the police man called from. I also do not have electric power to charge my phone or to call anyone.
Again, I was hungry, so I prepared myself another round of food, ate and slept off.
At about two p.m. I woke up to the banging at my door. I dragged myself to open the door, I discovered Pastor, his wife and my husband were at the door.
My husband was wrapped with bandages from head to toe like the picture of Lazarus when he was brought out of the tomb. The sight actually made me chuckle but I had to control myself because of Pastor and his wife.
I allowed them inside. Pastor and his wife were more comfortable than my husband inside his own house.
He was sitting like a gentleman. Anyone that see him now will say he is the gentlest man in the world.
Pastor asked me;
Sister Joy, what happened to your phone?
My battery was flat, I slept off and power was yet to be restored so I could not charge sir. I replied.
Pastor’s wife looked at me with concern and asked;
My sister, were you able to sleep at all, I hope you are not having any headache?
Oh, I’m fine ma. Surprisingly after I prayed yesterday, I just got angry, I ate and I slept. I replied her.
What happened to him? I asked Pastor, gesturing at my husband who was looking like a dog beaten by the rain.
Pastor ignored my questions and faced my husband.
Brother Momoh, you have wronged your wife. You have offended her. You have broken the trust in your marriage.
You have allowed the hedge around you to be broken and you have allowed the serpent to come in to bite you.
Tell me, in the past one month, has your wife said anything negative to you?
My husband shook his head like an obedient five-year-old child.
Pastor asked again, in the last one month, has your wife abused you? Again, my husband shook his head.
Pastor continued, in the past few days have you seen good changes in the character of your wife? he nodded in the affirmative.
So why have you decided to pay the good she has done to you, over the last few weeks with more wrongs. You left your wife alone in the house and moved into Sister Aisha’s.
My husband kept looking without saying a word.
Pastor looked at him steadfastly and told him; Do you know that all this while, your wife had not prayed against you?
Instead she had continually prayed for you. Do you know that all this while, your wife has been preparing meals hoping that you will come home and she will submit to you as her husband?
This is despite the fact that she knew that you were having illicit relationships outside the house?
This time around, my husband was no longer looking at the ground, his eyes were on me and I could see the questions in his eyes.
For the first time in about a month, that I have been following the instructions of Pastor, I was proud that I had obeyed them, though they looked foolish at first….
Pastor continue talking to my husband; brother Momoh, doesn’t it look so stupid, to have left your wife, who was ready to obey you and who was cleaning the house, cooking meals, waiting for you.
You left her to go live with a sister, who invited her previous lover to come in yesternight to beat you?
They both didn’t just beat you, they got you n@k£d on the road while beating you and this was the same lady you left your wonderful wife for.
Brother Momoh, do you think you did this in your right senses?
My husband shook his head……
I felt like laughing……
What!!!! Sister Aisha’s ex-lover was hired to beat my husband?
See me see gist, I have no iota of pity or feelings for him.
I was just sitting ready to hear more gist….
There was a knock on the door.
I went to check.
It was Assistant Pastor and his daughter.
Trouble just got real…….
OH THIS MY HUSBAND
TROUBLE JUST GOT REAL
Assistant Pastor wasn’t looking good at all, his daughter, Bose, was by his side.
Bose was dressed like an SU. I gave her a very cold stare, my looks made her know instantly that I don’t like her again.
She would always come to greet me in the church. I never know we had been sharing the same p£nis of my husband.
She probably got larger share of the p£nis, Nonsense!
I turned to Assistant Pastor to welcome him.
Welcome sir, I greeted.
You can come in sir. I said as I led them into the living room.
My husband looked as if he wanted the ground to swallow him. I kind of pity him now, karma must be very wicked to serve him cold truth today.
I never knew you were here sir. We stopped by your house. Since we didn’t see you, I decided to meet with the culprits myself. But thank God you are here sir; The Assistant Pastor told Pastor.
Oh, you are also welcome sir, Naturally. the saying goes that, the more the merrier but today seems to be a very odd day for that saying. Pastor replied.
Hmmm, this situation looks very strange, my husband is in trouble but I am not feeling any trouble in my own heart.
Rather I’m in for some very cool gist. Everything he had been doing in secret is about to burst open in his face in public.
Never try the power of a praying and submissive wife. I know I have not had opportunity to prove my submission, but in my heart I have been submissive. Let’s leave my matter, I’m not the star girl today. My randy husband is the celebrity.
Assistant Pastor replied Pastor by saying; I wanted to see you sir basically because of the church.
About a year and eight months ago, the church elders complained that your style of leadership was too ancient and they wanted a more liberal person as the leader.
They voted and I was chosen as the new church administrator while you remained the senior Pastor with limited roles. I remembered, Pastor sir, that during that process, you told the elders that God is not pleased with ordinary voting in the church but the church elders didn’t listen to you.
I remember I succumbed to the elders request to change majority of the departmental leaders so that they can be loyal to me.
I also remembered sir, that I also changed the messages from the pulpit, I started teaching more of prosperity and blessing messages. This was because the elders complained that your holiness messages were too much.
Today, I can see the repercussions of stylishly stopping you from preaching the truth in church.
Today, I have realized that all those prosperity messages and the ‘I feel good’ sermons were not helping anyone in the church.
The same head usher I appointed was sleeping with married men in the church. She hired thugs to beat up people.
I wanted my family to be more prominent in church so I brought my daughter from her church to lead one of the evangelism teams.
Pastor, I remember you warned me against making brother Momoh the patron for the youth but because the church elders told me not to obey you, I decided to do it my way.
My way has destroyed the church and my home.
Pastor sir, my daughter, my first born; Bose, just confessed to me that she is pregnant for brother Momoh. The Assistant Pastor paused talking.
My husband turned white; my eyes were looking at him but he avoided my eyes.
Oh my God!!!! Was all Pastor could say.
Bose was standing like a child caught pants down…..
The effect of what was said sank into my medulla oblongata…. Another lady pregnant for my husband.
What!!!!! I can’t believe my ears. How many ladies are pregnant for my husband, when I the wife, can’t even get him to touch me at home.
How can I get pregnant when my husband won’t even be around during my ovulation period?
Now, two ladies claim to be pregnant for him. There might be more…….
Ahhh or am I the problem…..
Is it true that my womb is dead, is it my womb that can’t carry babies….
I started sweating, suddenly the room looked too small, I jumped up.
Pastor’s wife sitting by my side reached out to comfort me. She thought it’s the news of the pregnancy that’s affecting me.
If only she knows that I am responding to the rude realization that I might be truly barren. That I might actually be what my husband had been calling me….a he goat…..
Assistant Pastor seeing me standing up said……. My decision has also brought pains to a good sister Joy….
Why can’t this man know that any pity statement in times like this can trigger my tears…
Of course, I didn’t disappoint….
I started wailing bitterly.
If only they all knew I was not crying for those pregnancies.
I was crying for my own babies that I might never carry.
Then we heard some knocks on the door again……
Who can it be this time around?
Pastor Mrs. went to open the door.
They all came in.
Trouble just got promoted